Why? Here's the Answer

I heard this song at the gym yesterday and was so blessed by the words.  I was on an elliptical machine and closed my eyes and worshiped the Lord.

I love how, no matter where I am (physically, emotionally, or spiritually) the Lord speaks to me.

Enjoy!

(and listen for the last line, my favorite) :)

Frozen in Indecision

I haven't done as many house updates as I thought I would, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been a major part of our life.  In fact, it has at times felt like it has taken over our lives.  It seems like once we make one decision and feel like we have some breathing room, we are faced with another decision that needed to be made yesterday!

Going into building, we had several people who commented about how difficult building would be.  "We know," would be our nonchalant response.  

We did know that it would be difficult, or at least we THOUGHT we knew.  We knew there would be decisions about colors, counter-tops, cabinets, and lots of other words that start with "c".  Haha! (Not sure why I chose all "c" words).  Maybe it's because that's what we've been dealing with lately.  :)

But, we really had no idea the magnitude of each decision and how many decisions there would be.  I thought I knew what I wanted and what I liked, but when faced with options.....well, that just magnified my already indecisive self and honestly there have been times I couldn't fall asleep at night as I lay anxiously considering all of the selections before me.

This week, I found help in the most unexpected place.  But, it's just like God to speak to me in an unforseen way.

I picked up this book that my sister-in-law got me for Christmas.  I have been wanting to read it, but time and energy have kept pushing it down my "want to read" list.

I knew I would gain great insight from this book, but I was expecting to receive direction on how to balance my life in a healthier way.  Do you ever do that?  Do you head into time with the Lord praying or reading the bible "knowing" what you expect or hope to get from it?

So I began to read and was looking forward to getting some general insight into life decisions.  As I read, I related more and more to so much of what Lysa wrote.

When I got to the chapter titled "Analysis Paralysis" I began to get clarity into my struggle with making many of our house decisions.  As Andy's work schedule has increased again recently, I have been faced with many of these house decisions on my own.  For most of our building process I have been able to consider decisions, and then bounce ideas off of Andy, or look to him to make the final call.  That's one of the characteristics I love so much about Andy.  He is very decisive.  He's able to make a decision fairly quickly, and once he does there is no looking back.

Me, on the other hand, I can consider decision for days or weeks, and then hesitantly make a decision, and then often for days and weeks to come I will think about whether or not I chose the correctly.  It's enough to drive a person insane!  :)

So building the house, with constant decisions, has shown me a lot about myself.  It's shown me that I often doubt my ability to make a good choice and it's shown me that I fear making mistakes.  This isn't just in building, but it carries over to my every day life.  I discovered that at times I try to escape or veer away from areas that require decisions.

So back to the book.  One of the first sentences that struck me in this chapter was:

"Fear of failure is the real cause of our analysis paralysis."

This sentence couldn't be more true.  I have heard a number of people say to us that no matter how hard you try to make good choices while building, you will move in and wish you did something differently.  I don't know if I took that as a challenge, or it increased my fear, but subconsciously it became my goal to try not to have any regrets.  Honestly, I just don't know if that is possible.  I remember one time a pastor sharing that he got his first new truck after spending a life time with older and used vehicles.  He tried to keep it nice, and would park way out in a parking lot so that no one could possibly hit his truck with their car door.  Well, inevitably one day it finally got a scratch.  Instead of being upset, there was a freedom that came with that first scratch.  His truck wasn't "perfect" any longer and now the fear of that first blemish was gone.

Lysa said she has stayed stuck in the analysis paralysis so may times, trying to figure out which choice is the perfect one.  If she couldn't pick the perfect one, she'd rather stay stuck.  But, eventually she realized that there are no perfect decisions.  She also shared that many times we are faced with a good choice and a good choice.

As I think about the house and our decisions I am aware of several truths.

1. Building this house is a huge blessing and one that I don't want to take for granted.
2. I am constantly faced with a good choice and another good choice.                                          (At the end of the day we are going to be thrilled no matter what colors and counter-tops we choose.)
3. In all areas of my life I can choose to allow the Lord to mold me and make me more like Him and to use my current circumstances to draw closer to Him.  
4. Life is more important that things.  It's really all about the Gospel and loving God and others.

There are many other truths that God has been revealing to me along this journey and I am trying not to dismiss them, but to let Him teach me, correct me, and guide me.

With the recent passing of our fellow home school mom, Leah, I am once again given a much needed perspective shift.  It's fun to get to dream about this new home, but ultimately I want to be focusing on and dreaming about my forever home; my home in Heaven with God.

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4 

For those interested in the house, here are some quick pictures I snapped yesterday when I went to the house to make more decisions. :)

By the way, you will be happy to know that God has used this book to give me freedom about these decisions.  As I began reading this chapter this week I began making decisions left and right.  :)  Gone was the fear of mistakes, because I know they will happen, and gone is the desire for a "perfect" home.  I hope that I will remember to rejoice in the "mistakes" as I discover them and the wishes for different choices as I remember what the Lord showed me during this season and how He once again drew me closer to Him.  And lastly, how He shows me that nothing will be perfect here on earth.  Perfection is only in Him and with Him and the imperfections here on earth will keep us yearning for an eternity with Him.  :)

No Sting in Death!!!! Praise the Lord!

Thank you Lord for the example through Jesus that their is no sting in death.

If you haven't already, please read the post below.

Continue to pray for the Tucker family.

Community

*I've added a link at the bottom of the page if you want to help the family financially.


This has been a hard week.  This week a sister in Christ, a fellow mom in our home school community, entered into the presence of Jesus. 

Monday morning at the opening time for our group it was announced that this family had added a new bundle of joy a few days earlier.  A "pink" bundle of joy I must add!  They already had two boys, so there was a lot of rejoicing about this new daughter.  Little did we know, that within a few hours many of us would be brought to our knees praying for this mom's life.

Everything seemed to happen so quickly.  We received the prayer request, began praying, scheduled a corporate prayer time, emailed and texted friends and family to lift Leah up in prayer, and then waited.

Last night I slept with my phone, waiting for news.  Many of us talked and knew that if we woke in the night we would pray.  As I rose this morning and hadn't heard anything I was at a loss.  Again, all I knew to do was to pray.

I received the news about Leah's passing early this morning and was broken-hearted.  Not because I have any doubt of where she is, but because I think about her family, her boys, her baby girl, and the void many of us will feel when we return to class on Monday and her chair is empty.

Leah was a joy.  Every time I talked with her or saw her from across the room she was always smiling.  There was a realness about her that made you immediately feel comfortable and to know that you could be completely yourself.  She was a helper, always participating in any needs that arose in class.  What stands out to me the most though, is the love I saw between she and her boys.

Today, one of the moms in our home school group opened her home for us to come together.  As soon as I saw her email I knew we would join them.  Today I desired community.  Today we needed community.

Then tonight I watched a church unite and come together to support their Pastor, Leah's husband.  Earlier in the day a few women in the church organized a time where others could come together and pray.  There were hugs and tears, and then a time of prayer.  There was individual prayer time and then small group prayer time.  

At the end of prayer time, it was announced that Pastor Dan had come to briefly share.

As he stood in front of his congregation, who he referred to as family, I wondered what he would say in a moment like this.  I quickly got out my phone to take notes, because I could feel that it was going to be powerful and that I would want to read it again, and that I would desire to soak in the words of someone sharing in the midst of grief.

Here are some of the words Dan shared tonight.

"The goodness of God doesn't stop because of tragedy."

"I've been asked what I need.  I've gotten so much already.  Just knowing you care means so much.  Please don't let satan use this opportunity to do anything destructive.  God is still sovereign.  I hope He gets the glory out of this."

"We don't mourn as those without hope.  We have heaven.  Honor Leah's memory but take that opportunity to share the Gospel.  That's what it's still about."

After he left the room, before we closed in prayer, a man in the congregation stood up and said that we just witnessed a man who lives what he preaches.  To that, there were many amens.

As I was talking to my dad tonight he reminded me of something Pastor Jon Courson said after his 16 year old daughter died.  Someone said to him that they were sorry for his loss.  He responded, "Oh, I didn't lose my daughter, I know exactly where she is."

I pray we are all comforted by knowing exactly where Leah is, and that if we have accepted Jesus into our hearts, one day we will have the joy of joining her.  What a blessed day that will be for each of us!

In the mean time, as Pastor Dan exhorted us to do, tell someone about Jesus.  Lead someone to that assurance of knowing where they will spend eternity.  Let this spur us on to realize that all of our days are numbered, none of us are promised tomorrow, so be bold for Christ, share this wonderful gift that is free to anyone wanting to receive it.  Don't just pray for someone, pray with someone!

And remember this family in your prayers.

This is what was sent around last night, which is why it says to pray for Leah.  We know that where she is, she no longer needs our prayers. :)

But, please pray for Dan, Elijah, Joshua, and Zivah.

If you would like to give, please click on the link below.

Leah Tucker Memorial Fund