When life hands you lemons...

I know how the rest of the saying goes, but I'm just not there yet.  A lot of times I have taken time to write my posts after I have processed a situation or learned something new about what the Lord is showing or revealing to me, but this time I felt an urging to write while my emotions are raw.

This story probably isn't going to be earth-shattering for many others and you may even wonder why it affects me so deeply, but I'll try to share my feelings openly and honestly.

I leave for Israel on Tuesday!  I can't believe I haven't shared about that here, but I am excited, thrilled, anxious, nervous, happy...full of a range of emotions.  I fly out of Atlanta and Andy and I discussed in depth how the best way for me to travel to the airport would be.  Due to my diagnosis of epilepsy in the spring I have not driven in six months.  I have followed this Florida law with complete submission, never taking a chance by running to the store or taking the kids somewhere when Andy was traveling.  I understood that this was a condition I needed to take seriously and I did my best to embrace the reason behind this requirement.  BUT, I have been counting down the days.  I should be able to drive at the end of this month, which is only a few short days away!  I can taste the freedom, feel the excitement of making plans with friends, enjoy the thought of running to the grocery store alone! :)  After much discussion about whether I should fly or drive to Atlanta, Andy and I decided that the best choice would be for me to drive there and then upon my return he would come and get me and I could share about my trip and rest on the way home.  I kept thinking about how in less than a week I would be "on the road again.."  I can't help but hum that song as I think about that.

Both of us needed to update our addresses on our licenses since our recent move.  We were really overdue in doing so, and thought before I left the country we should make it a priority.  It was stressful pulling together forms verifying our new residence, putting our hands on our birth certificates, etc.  When we arrived at the office to update everything we were pleasantly surprised to find that although Andy couldn't find his birth certificate he was able to use his current ID.  We had an issue with proving our new residence, but with the help of our clerk today we were able to come up with a solution for that.  It seemed that everything that had been an obstacle was being removed one at a time.  What great timing that we could get this taken care of before I left and before I drove again!  After everything was filled out and we updated our pictures, we were left with answering a few "quick" questions.  I knew it, before she even asked it...I knew the question about epilepsy would come up.  We flew through the first few questions with our acceptable answers and then the question came.  "Have you ever been diagnosed with epilepsy?"  I immediately said yes because that's the truth and because I will follow the "rules" and "laws" to the best of my ability.  Immediately everything was halted.  She mentioned something about two years and getting a doctor's approval.  I quickly figured out that I would not get all of this worked out before my departure on Tuesday.  I got on the phone with my doctor's office at Shands to see what I could do, until the clerk gently told me that it had to be processed on their end first.  I felt defeated, deflated, and discouraged.  She handed me my Florida Identification card along with my clipped ineligible Florida Driver's License.

It was hard to look at.  Hard to see, that I no longer have a valid driver's license.  Sure the paper work is in process, but it's hard not to be pessimistic.  I know how that can go.  Paper work gets lost or one party doesn't fill it out or complete it or no one's in a rush to push it through.  As I type this I think I may be acting overly dramatic, but it's how I feel in this moment.  It took the wind out from under me.  A dark cloud seemed to loom over me the rest of the night as I considered that I may not be driving immediately upon my return.  All the plans in my mind of what I'd be doing, what WE would be doing began to fly out the window.  The kids and I had already discussed where we would go and how we would celebrate. I thought about how I wouldn't have to impose on friend's any longer, or arrange other drivers.  I could make it to our appointments, sports, and meetings on my own.  But, are we supposed to be on our own?  Isn't that what these 6 months have taught me?  That there's joy in community. That others love and care for me.  That I've seen people lay down their lives to serve me in this season.  That I need others.  

So, no matter the outcome, no matter the future, no matter my circumstances, what I do know and what I am absolutely certain of is this "...all things work together for the good of those who love Him..."  Resting in that truth tonight, remembering that His mercies are new every morning, and maybe, just maybe, by tomorrow I'll be ready to make some lemonade.  :)

I owe you so much

This past week a very special man passed on to Glory with his wife by his side.  The italicized section of that sentence is how it was worded in his obituary.  I love the picture that came to my mind as I envisioned him passing on to glory.  And of course I knew his wife would be by his side as I pictured this couple who loved one another deeply throughout their marriage of 51 years.  She had asked the Lord for 50 years of marriage and He gave her one more. :)

The first time I met Lewis and Kathy I was a baby. My parents had recently moved from Ohio to Florida with two little kids.  One night as my mom was driving a car was following her.  These roads we were traveling on were dark, desolate, country roads.  Since my mom was alone with my brother and I she got nervous and turned off onto a road hoping to lose the other vehicle.  They followed her and she turned again and eventually ended up at the Dinkins' farm.  I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord was orchestrating that entire evening and directing my mom's car to introduce our family to theirs.  That night began a friendship that has lasted almost 40 years.

Everyone who met Lewis and Kathy were loved, and loved deeply.  We began attending their church, The Fellowship.  A small church where everyone knew one another and lived life with each other.  It exemplified the word "fellowship" in it's truest form.  I loved going to church!  We also attended their weekly home group.  Some of my favorite memories are showing up at their home in the middle of the week and walking down into their family room.  Does anyone remember sunken living rooms? :) We would worship and then the kids would usually split off into the den to hang out while the adults studied the bible.  I can still remember my dad holding me as we left with my head laying on his chest as I was drifting off to sleep.  I would hear his muffled voice as they finished visiting and were saying their good byes.  I felt such peace, joy and security.  Looking back I realize that I was never aware of the fact that we didn't have family close by to share holidays with because I knew there was always a place at the table for our family at Easter and Thanksgiving.  I can still picture their home and feel the warmth and coziness that would greet you as you entered.  Although, I know it had less to do with the house and more to do with the people who lived there.

Lewis and Kathy became a constant in our lives.  We watched them take care of others, laying down their lives and desires to share the Gospel by living it.  Whether it was helping someone in need, giving an encouraging word, loving others through hard times, they never seemed to tire of loving others as Christ commanded.

For my wedding they were honorary grandparents.  That's how I always pictured them.  My parents, who were in their early 20's when they met, were taken under their wings and loved unconditionally, and my brother and I along with them. :)  This week when I was talking with my dad about Lewis I realized that Lewis was my age when they met.  Time certainly does fly....

Lewis's kidneys have been doing poorly for the past several years, yet they continued hosting bible study and my parents loved to attend as often as they could.  As Lewis's health continued to decline they still welcomed others into their home.  They taught me that others are more important than ourselves.  If only I could live in that same selfless way.

As my dad and I took a moment to share about Lewis after his passing, I asked him how his last visit with him was about a week before his death.  What do you say when you know you are saying good-bye to someone who has been a part of your life since you were a young father and husband?  My dad told me that he said to Lewis, "I owe you so much."  Such a simple statement but FULL of depth.  How can we even begin to put into words what this family has meant to us.  How much Lewis has changed us for the better.  How they provided a much needed friendship for my parents who were young and on their own.  How they gave us a tangible example of loving Christ and loving others.

It makes me think of how many in my life that I could say "I owe you so much".  Thank you Lord for blessing me with others who love me in spite of myself, those who encourage me to draw closer to you, those who make me laugh and help me to have fun....the list could go on and on.

I look forward to joining Lewis in Glory one day so that I can tell him that not only does my dad believe he owes him so much, but so do I.

I am eternally grateful for the love of this family.