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Girl Curls

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Faith Not Fear

I'm finally back at the gym.  Without driving these past several months that was one part of my life that had changed.  In many ways it was a positive change.  I realized how much I loved rising early to spend time in the Bible instead of trying to find quiet time throughout my day with the kids.  There is something so serene about a quiet and still house, before the sun (or kids) rise.  :)

Now that I am driving again, I decided it was time to join a gym on our new side of town.  There was some hesitation, because I want to make sure I guard and protect this quiet time with the Lord I've come to crave.  I talked it over with Andy and asked for him to help me keep this in balance.  Balance.  That is the key.  I've realized how often I can allow myself to go to the gym but still have other mornings to linger in the Word.  I spent time considering whether or not it was wise to join the gym again during this season, but honestly I have found that having a few mornings a week to myself outside of the home add positive aspects to my life.

One of the parts I have missed the most about my early morning gym times is when I get on my cardio machine and pump up the volume of my praise music.  Don't be surprised if you see me at the gym singing along while running.  I love Christian music!  I love the lyrics!  I love how the Lord speaks to me through songs!

This week at the end of a workout I hopped on the treadmill and got the machine and music started.  I was overwhelmed by the clarity of the Lord's message this morning.  Over and over again I kept hearing the word fear.

Fear.

Why do I allow fear to take so much control of my life?  I began to consider the many ways fear creeps into my thoughts and actions.

What I found is that a lot of it revolves around my children.

I'm afraid something will happen to my kids.

I'm afraid I'm not a fun enough mom. 

I'm afraid I am not preparing them well enough for their future.

I'm afraid I'm too hard on them and hold them to unrealistic expectations.

But, these are not the only thoughts that hold me captive.

I'm afraid I'm not good enough to answer the call God has placed on my life.

I'm afraid that I say the wrong words and hurt someone unintentionally.

I'm afraid when I pray, He won't answer.

I have other fears.  Fears that come and go.  Fears that seem small and insignificant when looking back on them.  Fears that can at times suffocate me because of their enormity.

But, as I was ministered to through beautiful melodies I realized that true faith has no fear.  My faith in Christ reminds me that in Him are all things.  Do I believe He is in control?  Do I believe that all things work together for good?  Do I believe He listens to every thought and word I send His way?  Do I believe He loves me?

If I believe these things, then there is no need for fear.

As I was putting one foot in front of the other and these thoughts were running through my head, this song began to play.  It's one of those moments where I wanted to lift my hands and praise the Lord, not caring that I was in the middle of the gym.  But, if I did that, I would be the girl who flew off the end of the treadmill, instead of the girl trying to sing while running.  :)

Take a few minutes to listen to this song and let the words wash over you.

We are no longer slaves!

I am a child of God!

I am a child of God!

I AM A CHILD OF GOD!!!

 What fears steal your joy?  Are you being suffocated by fears that you can release to the Lord?

Let them go them.  Remind yourself that you are a child of God.  Say it out loud over and over again until you believe it....and then say it again.

As a side note, these kids left a little while ago for a weekend with the grandparents.

An entire weekend to ourselves!  Where do we even begin?

Last year this was the weekend I signed up for my trip to Israel.  I'll let you know if I sign up for any more amazing trips this weekend while they're gone. ;)

    

Unexpected Journeys

This was my view as I began the sunset walk down the Mount of Beatitudes.  Taking my first steps, I had no idea what would be in store for me journeying down this mountain.

Our teacher, Lysa, was leading the crowd and I decided to hang back so that I could consider and ponder and take a moment to process the ways the Lord had been speaking to me during my time in Israel.  My earpiece was in and I listened to the words Lysa was sharing until her voice began to crackle and the words cut in and out because of the distance between us.  I had loved her teachings and messages throughout our trip, but in this moment I was able to quiet the voice as I let the earpiece hang and I began to hear another voice...a voice speaking directly to my heart.  Throughout this trip, God would use unexpected moments to encourage me, challenge me, whisper loving words, and remind me how powerful and precious His Words are.

As I enjoyed the quietness and the beauty around me I found myself walking alongside another woman from our group that I had not yet met.  We struck up a friendly conversation talking about what and how we would share when we returned.  As our trip was coming to a close I was feeling a little anxious.  Where do I begin?  How can I possibly share with someone when I have so much I want to say?  Would others want to hear about what I saw or what God did in my life?  I told her how grateful I was that earlier that day one of the Proverbs 31 ladies shared that we should choose one or two moments that really stood out to us so that when we returned home we would have something meaningful to share without overwhelming ourself or others.  It was then that I discovered she was also on staff with Proverbs and our conversation led us to talking about how she is a writer and author of books, which steered us to a discussion about walking in obedience to the Lord.

Lysa had taken a wrong turn down the mountain, which made the walk a little more exciting, so at one point there were several people standing alongside the path so that we could hold on as we carefully maneuvered down the incline.  As Glynnis grabbed hold of the hands reaching out for her she said something to me.  I didn't hear her, so I politely nodded my head and said "yeah".  I quickly realized that was not the response she expected when she repeated herself by asking the question, "Is there something the Lord has asked of you that you haven't responded to?"  I was caught off guard by her bluntness and directness so without thinking I told her a desire the Lord had placed on my heart.  Up to this point I had only shared this with a handful of people.  I had been protecting this gift, being afraid of someone saying something to take away this "call" on my life.  As soon as I shared I began to cry.  I cried because I never share this God given dream.  I cried because I am insecure and unsure of myself.  I cried with relief in freely sharing.

More often than not in recent months the Lord has continued to show me that in the unexpected moments He reveals more of Himself to me in unexpected ways.  I am beginning to crave the unexpected.  This is not who I am.  I have a plan.  I have a schedule.  I stick to what's comfortable.  But, recently my joy is found in special surprise moments and revelations from the Lord.

I've come home from my time in Israel with many other moments like this.  Moments that I love to share and other moments that I have kept between the Lord and I... for now.

As I have been reading through the scriptures, praying to the Lord for direction on how to walk in obedience with this path He is leading me on, I came to this verse that stopped me and loudly spoke to my heart.

Hebrews 11:8

By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance.  And he went out, not knowing where he was going.

Do you see that?!!  He obeyed even when he didn't know where he was going.

My daily prayer is this.  I want to obey and trust Him, even when I don't know where I am going.

So let me ask you,

"Is there something the Lord has asked of you that you haven't responded to?"

If so, share it!  Tell me, tell your spouse, tell a friend, or as I did, a sister in Christ that you just meet.  Find the joy that comes in obedience.  The joy that awaits you as you step out in faith trusting the Lord even when you don't know where you are going.

Look for the unexpected message in unexpected places and at unexpected times.

He is always sharing.  May we always be listening.

When life hands you lemons...

I know how the rest of the saying goes, but I'm just not there yet.  A lot of times I have taken time to write my posts after I have processed a situation or learned something new about what the Lord is showing or revealing to me, but this time I felt an urging to write while my emotions are raw.

This story probably isn't going to be earth-shattering for many others and you may even wonder why it affects me so deeply, but I'll try to share my feelings openly and honestly.

I leave for Israel on Tuesday!  I can't believe I haven't shared about that here, but I am excited, thrilled, anxious, nervous, happy...full of a range of emotions.  I fly out of Atlanta and Andy and I discussed in depth how the best way for me to travel to the airport would be.  Due to my diagnosis of epilepsy in the spring I have not driven in six months.  I have followed this Florida law with complete submission, never taking a chance by running to the store or taking the kids somewhere when Andy was traveling.  I understood that this was a condition I needed to take seriously and I did my best to embrace the reason behind this requirement.  BUT, I have been counting down the days.  I should be able to drive at the end of this month, which is only a few short days away!  I can taste the freedom, feel the excitement of making plans with friends, enjoy the thought of running to the grocery store alone! :)  After much discussion about whether I should fly or drive to Atlanta, Andy and I decided that the best choice would be for me to drive there and then upon my return he would come and get me and I could share about my trip and rest on the way home.  I kept thinking about how in less than a week I would be "on the road again.."  I can't help but hum that song as I think about that.

Both of us needed to update our addresses on our licenses since our recent move.  We were really overdue in doing so, and thought before I left the country we should make it a priority.  It was stressful pulling together forms verifying our new residence, putting our hands on our birth certificates, etc.  When we arrived at the office to update everything we were pleasantly surprised to find that although Andy couldn't find his birth certificate he was able to use his current ID.  We had an issue with proving our new residence, but with the help of our clerk today we were able to come up with a solution for that.  It seemed that everything that had been an obstacle was being removed one at a time.  What great timing that we could get this taken care of before I left and before I drove again!  After everything was filled out and we updated our pictures, we were left with answering a few "quick" questions.  I knew it, before she even asked it...I knew the question about epilepsy would come up.  We flew through the first few questions with our acceptable answers and then the question came.  "Have you ever been diagnosed with epilepsy?"  I immediately said yes because that's the truth and because I will follow the "rules" and "laws" to the best of my ability.  Immediately everything was halted.  She mentioned something about two years and getting a doctor's approval.  I quickly figured out that I would not get all of this worked out before my departure on Tuesday.  I got on the phone with my doctor's office at Shands to see what I could do, until the clerk gently told me that it had to be processed on their end first.  I felt defeated, deflated, and discouraged.  She handed me my Florida Identification card along with my clipped ineligible Florida Driver's License.

It was hard to look at.  Hard to see, that I no longer have a valid driver's license.  Sure the paper work is in process, but it's hard not to be pessimistic.  I know how that can go.  Paper work gets lost or one party doesn't fill it out or complete it or no one's in a rush to push it through.  As I type this I think I may be acting overly dramatic, but it's how I feel in this moment.  It took the wind out from under me.  A dark cloud seemed to loom over me the rest of the night as I considered that I may not be driving immediately upon my return.  All the plans in my mind of what I'd be doing, what WE would be doing began to fly out the window.  The kids and I had already discussed where we would go and how we would celebrate. I thought about how I wouldn't have to impose on friend's any longer, or arrange other drivers.  I could make it to our appointments, sports, and meetings on my own.  But, are we supposed to be on our own?  Isn't that what these 6 months have taught me?  That there's joy in community. That others love and care for me.  That I've seen people lay down their lives to serve me in this season.  That I need others.  

So, no matter the outcome, no matter the future, no matter my circumstances, what I do know and what I am absolutely certain of is this "...all things work together for the good of those who love Him..."  Resting in that truth tonight, remembering that His mercies are new every morning, and maybe, just maybe, by tomorrow I'll be ready to make some lemonade.  :)

I owe you so much

This past week a very special man passed on to Glory with his wife by his side.  The italicized section of that sentence is how it was worded in his obituary.  I love the picture that came to my mind as I envisioned him passing on to glory.  And of course I knew his wife would be by his side as I pictured this couple who loved one another deeply throughout their marriage of 51 years.  She had asked the Lord for 50 years of marriage and He gave her one more. :)

The first time I met Lewis and Kathy I was a baby. My parents had recently moved from Ohio to Florida with two little kids.  One night as my mom was driving a car was following her.  These roads we were traveling on were dark, desolate, country roads.  Since my mom was alone with my brother and I she got nervous and turned off onto a road hoping to lose the other vehicle.  They followed her and she turned again and eventually ended up at the Dinkins' farm.  I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord was orchestrating that entire evening and directing my mom's car to introduce our family to theirs.  That night began a friendship that has lasted almost 40 years.

Everyone who met Lewis and Kathy were loved, and loved deeply.  We began attending their church, The Fellowship.  A small church where everyone knew one another and lived life with each other.  It exemplified the word "fellowship" in it's truest form.  I loved going to church!  We also attended their weekly home group.  Some of my favorite memories are showing up at their home in the middle of the week and walking down into their family room.  Does anyone remember sunken living rooms? :) We would worship and then the kids would usually split off into the den to hang out while the adults studied the bible.  I can still remember my dad holding me as we left with my head laying on his chest as I was drifting off to sleep.  I would hear his muffled voice as they finished visiting and were saying their good byes.  I felt such peace, joy and security.  Looking back I realize that I was never aware of the fact that we didn't have family close by to share holidays with because I knew there was always a place at the table for our family at Easter and Thanksgiving.  I can still picture their home and feel the warmth and coziness that would greet you as you entered.  Although, I know it had less to do with the house and more to do with the people who lived there.

Lewis and Kathy became a constant in our lives.  We watched them take care of others, laying down their lives and desires to share the Gospel by living it.  Whether it was helping someone in need, giving an encouraging word, loving others through hard times, they never seemed to tire of loving others as Christ commanded.

For my wedding they were honorary grandparents.  That's how I always pictured them.  My parents, who were in their early 20's when they met, were taken under their wings and loved unconditionally, and my brother and I along with them. :)  This week when I was talking with my dad about Lewis I realized that Lewis was my age when they met.  Time certainly does fly....

Lewis's kidneys have been doing poorly for the past several years, yet they continued hosting bible study and my parents loved to attend as often as they could.  As Lewis's health continued to decline they still welcomed others into their home.  They taught me that others are more important than ourselves.  If only I could live in that same selfless way.

As my dad and I took a moment to share about Lewis after his passing, I asked him how his last visit with him was about a week before his death.  What do you say when you know you are saying good-bye to someone who has been a part of your life since you were a young father and husband?  My dad told me that he said to Lewis, "I owe you so much."  Such a simple statement but FULL of depth.  How can we even begin to put into words what this family has meant to us.  How much Lewis has changed us for the better.  How they provided a much needed friendship for my parents who were young and on their own.  How they gave us a tangible example of loving Christ and loving others.

It makes me think of how many in my life that I could say "I owe you so much".  Thank you Lord for blessing me with others who love me in spite of myself, those who encourage me to draw closer to you, those who make me laugh and help me to have fun....the list could go on and on.

I look forward to joining Lewis in Glory one day so that I can tell him that not only does my dad believe he owes him so much, but so do I.

I am eternally grateful for the love of this family.

Blessings, Blessings Everywhere ...I just needed to open my eyes to see them :)

This has been an overwhelming and emotional week with house stuff.  It definitely took a toll on me and I won't go into the details, but I allowed it to cast a dark cloud over my week.

As I think back on this week I am amazed at the many wonderful blessings that were a part of it.  I knew it in the moment, but seeing it in pictures as a whole, overwhelms me with the goodness of God.  Even in the midst of trials there are blessings everywhere.

The last few days we have been busy with other things and it's been so nice.  It's given me a needed break from focusing so much on the details of the house and reminding me of the joys that are in the every day.

Here are some of the ways I've felt God's love this week.

I got a hair cut.  

I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but here are a few details.

As I made my appointment I had to coordinate my hairdresser, a sitter, and a ride to and from the appointment.

We ended up with a house appointment that morning at our property, so Andy rushed home to drop us off to eat lunch as he hurried to a lunch meeting that he was late for, promising me he'd get home in time to take me to my appointment.  Andy left his meeting early and came to get me, but our sitter was a no show and I couldn't get a hold of her.  Andy couldn't keep the kids because he had afternoon meetings, and I didn't know what to do.  I knew I couldn't cancel the appointment right then, so on the way there I texted a friend whose daughter sits for us.  Her daughter was helping her dad at work, but they dropped everything and brought her to our house, and then the mom offered to pick me up from my appointment so that Andy wouldn't have to juggle his meetings.

"Do not be anxious about anything..." echoed in my mind.  I had no idea how all of it would work out, and I felt silly since it was all over a hair cut, but the details worked out wonderfully and I got to enjoy two hours to myself. :)

This week a horrible storm came through Tallahassee.  There was even a tornado that went through a part of town.  Many homes were without power, and some people were unable to get home because there were trees and branches everywhere.

Wednesday, the day after the storm, was the first "normal" day we've had in a long time.  There were no swim lessons, no VBS, no doctor's appointments, or house meetings.  It was just a day where Andy went to work and we planned to hang out at home.

I told the kids it would be a "Fun and Work Day".  The plan was that we would do some work and then get a fun break time, then work and have fun, etc.

We began with a few chores and then Drew brought up the idea that we should see if any of our neighbors needed help picking up branches from the storm.

We all thought it was a great idea, so they paired up into a big and little team (even coming up with team names), and we headed out.  We had a wonderful time.  We got to talk a neighbor who just wanted an opportunity to catch up, we met the grandma of a new little baby who was baby sitting and found out her kids go to our new church and she goes to our old church, and then we saw our friends at the end of the street arrive home so the kids got some play time while I got some mama catching up time.

As we wandered home I thought about how it really is true...

"It's more blessed to give than to receive".  

We loved helping our neighbors and we came home with full hearts after getting to visit and play with others.

Thursday Andy and I got up and left at 5:00 in the morning to head to Shands for a second opinion on my epilepsy diagnosis.

I was actually pretty awake on the ride down and Andy and I enjoyed a lot of good alone time catching up on a variety of topics.  I'm not sure how much talking there was on his part, but he was a very good listener.  :)

We arrived at Shands and I was a little surprised to find out my appointment was with a different doctor than was originally scheduled.  I had looked up the first doctor and she was an older woman who I assumed had a lot of experience and expertise from her many years practicing medicine.

This doctor was much younger and when she arrived at our appointment, pretty late, she apologized for not being on time because she was sick.  I didn't know what to think.  In the first few minutes she seemed to be a little scattered and I was nervous, but then we began to talk details and you could tell she was so smart.  She was also extremely thorough making sure to gather any information that she thought might be pertinent.  

At the end of the appointment she did confirm my diagnosis, but will begin me on a new medication that will hopefully have less side effects than my initial one.  She is also having me come back for a few tests and a follow up.  I left that appointment feeling completely at peace that I had received the best care possible.

Since our appointment was over fairly quickly, Andy and I were able to take some time to walk around campus, go to a bookstore to buy new Gator shirts for the family, and have lunch at The Swamp. (GO GATORS!) 

The day before my appointment I had a friend text me to see if she could stop by for just a minute.

This is a friend from our home-school co-op and she hadn't heard about the fact that I wasn't driving.  On the day she found out, she was out shopping and while she was at the store she picked up a meal for us.

It was perfect timing!  When we got home from our day in Gainesville I knew that I had this prepared meal that I could pop in the oven.  It was so nice to not have to cook.  And it blessed me to have a friend show love in this way.

*******************************************************************************

Our week ended wonderfully!  We had a great weekend.

On Friday we went to St. George Island for the day.  The weather was beautiful, it wasn't overly crowded and we spent most of the time together.  The first trip into the water Ellis cried all the way out there to take her back to the sand, but once she got used to it she never wanted to get out!

The only time Andy and I really sat was when the kids were playing in the sand, but I loved having time together as a family and interacting with each other so much.  I didn't really feel like I needed a break since we had 1 1/2 hours in the car on the way there and back.

I didn't get any good pictures, because we were just enjoying the day and I honestly didn't think about it too much.

For the 4th we had a relaxed morning and then friends came over for a cook out.

We had the best time!  The kids had a blast playing and we loved just hanging out and catching up. 

Here is Ellis with her friend Charis.  They had so much fun!

Ellis took pictures of Christi and I.  Aren't they great? ;) 

Davis and Knox wanted a turn with taking pictures too.  I can't remember who snapped this one.

After that we headed to our church's parking lot to meet up with others who would be watching the fireworks over Shannon Lakes.

It was great seeing friends and meeting some new friends from church.

Davis is a super cuddler and here he is in his happy place, waiting for the fireworks to begin.

I am so grateful to the Lord for reminding me that in the midst of hard times, we are never lacking in His many blessings.

How are you?

One of the first greetings we often give one another is "how are you?"

Most of my life I've responded with words similar to

"pretty good"

"great"

"I'm good.  How are you?"

But, what if we really took that question to mean that someone was genuinely wanting to know how we are doing.  What if we opened up and allowed others into our world and shared from our hearts.

That is when I believe relationships are deepened.  That's when we strip ourselves of pretenses and share the real things going on in our lives.  That's when we open up about our joys, sorrows, struggles, praises, challenges, etc.

Since I was diagnosed with epilepsy a few months ago I've had so many friends checking in on me to see how I'm doing.  Some days I've responded with my "pretty good" answer, and for that moment that may have been how I felt, but I've also decided to take this time to try and be more open and real.

Last night I had a friend text me to check in and I got real.  She's a friend who I know I can trust with my heart and who genuinely wants to know how I'm doing.

The last few weeks has been a bit of a struggle.  The house is overwhelming me, I'm having a harder time not being able to drive, I'm struggling to find the inner joy and peace that God blesses us with.

So I shared some things with her and it felt good to be open.  It felt good to be real.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I do want to be myself.

Often times I see snip-its of peoples' lives and I don't see the struggles or the hardships they face.  But, Monday I began a new Bible Study and it was just what I needed.  Just in the introductions alone, the women were real, and tears were shed.  No one was trying to impress the person next to them.  These sisters in Christ were just opening up about their lives and by the end of that morning the conversations were easily flowing with one another.

I desire to have deep and intimate relationships.  I want to have friends that I can share with when I'm struggling and I know they will pray.  I want to hear from my friends when they are rejoicing so that I can rejoice with them!

So, next time I ask you "how are you?" please share with me and I will do the same with you. :)

As I opened the computer to find some praise music to listen to last night, this sermon by Chuck Smith popped up and it is titled "When Life is Overwhelming".  Andy was putting the kids to bed so I had some time to myself and I was able to listen.  If you have 30 minutes and you are struggling with being overwhelmed, I encourage you to do the same.  One principle he shared that I am clinging to is that if our vertical relationship with Christ is not in order, then our horizontal relationships with others will be out of whack.  It was a word I needed and I'm so grateful that I chose to listen to Pastor Chuck instead of grabbing the laundry to fold and watching a show, which was my plan.  And, can I just tell you that I really struggled with that decision.  I wanted to relax with a favorite show, in the quiet, but I kept telling myself "this is better" and it surely was.

May you be blessed today!

Blameless

It's been awhile since I've posted.  I downloaded a bunch of pictures and then they disappeared.  :)

So instead I'll share this song with you that I heard the other day at the gym.  It's one of those songs that makes me want to raise my arms and praise the Lord!

And because I love this song I wanted to share it again.  I always think about my friend Leah when I hear it now because the week she passed away I heard this song and kept clinging to the line that "Death has lost its sting".  What a wonderful truth!

April (so far) In Pictures

Trying to pick carpet for the house.  Aye-yai-yai!

Haircut time

Everything the boys do, Ellis wants to do also.  Here's her "fake" hair cut, or as we like to call it "hair floofing". 

Baseball

Drew turned 9!

 More baseball (Knox)

 Easter

  

Loved this easy idea for Easter morning.  Thanks Alissa!

Back on Whole30! (Day 19 today, can't wait til May 6th!)

Someone became a Memory Master 

(for our home school group Classical Conversations)

Picking out a Memory Master prize

Gymnastics

Received my first passport for my upcoming international travel!

Met friends at the park to listen to music.

Had a different helper for my weekly grocery shopping.

House is getting one of the final coats of paint.  (I'm sure there are more coats to come)

Bible Memory Masters

(John 1:1-7) 

Last day of CC.  Donuts for Dads! 

 It's nice to have one of the owners of Krispy Kreme in our group.

All the dads went forward to share their birthdays.  Notice anyone additional up there?

 Thanks to a friend, I figured out that I could use my food processor to slice my sweet potatoes to make my favorite chips.  Life changing.  ;)  Wish I had known this before slicing part of my thumb off with my hand slicer!

Rainy day games.

Got to play a game one on one with each of the kids, and Drew beat me at Scrabble fair and square.

Made butternut squash for the first time (I think).  So yummy!

(salt, pepper, cinnamon, and coconut oil)

Landscape plans for the house complete.

Fun night out with my work out crew.  So many laughs!  I'm going to miss them when we move.  :(

Field trip to the Senate Chambers.  Great way to learn about the legislative process.

 Making herself at home. 

 Asking a question about the law we were debating.

Enjoying ice cream at our end of the year class party.

 Girl tea party, while boys were enjoying a free day (earned by Drew's memory master accomplishment).  Memory Master is a lot of work so I love to get to reward Drew for his diligence. :)

Pouring tea for baby.

She invited the boys to join us and they came running (as they always do when she calls).  In fact, last night when I put her to bed she wanted to show off her ballet (self taught) so she called "my boys" (that's what she calls them) and within 2 minutes she had them standing and twirling with her.  They sure do love her!

Free day: Davis helping Ellis on the computer.

Drew and Knox playing their favorite...Wii. 

At the end of the day Drew asked me if I wanted to know how long they played, since the Wii apparently keeps track.

I'm not going to type that here!  Let's just say they loved their day!

I hope you are enjoying your April so far.  Sometimes it's so great to look at a month in pictures because it reminds me of the many wonderful moments we are having that often get lost in the shuffle. :)