Frozen in Indecision

I haven't done as many house updates as I thought I would, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been a major part of our life.  In fact, it has at times felt like it has taken over our lives.  It seems like once we make one decision and feel like we have some breathing room, we are faced with another decision that needed to be made yesterday!

Going into building, we had several people who commented about how difficult building would be.  "We know," would be our nonchalant response.  

We did know that it would be difficult, or at least we THOUGHT we knew.  We knew there would be decisions about colors, counter-tops, cabinets, and lots of other words that start with "c".  Haha! (Not sure why I chose all "c" words).  Maybe it's because that's what we've been dealing with lately.  :)

But, we really had no idea the magnitude of each decision and how many decisions there would be.  I thought I knew what I wanted and what I liked, but when faced with options.....well, that just magnified my already indecisive self and honestly there have been times I couldn't fall asleep at night as I lay anxiously considering all of the selections before me.

This week, I found help in the most unexpected place.  But, it's just like God to speak to me in an unforseen way.

I picked up this book that my sister-in-law got me for Christmas.  I have been wanting to read it, but time and energy have kept pushing it down my "want to read" list.

I knew I would gain great insight from this book, but I was expecting to receive direction on how to balance my life in a healthier way.  Do you ever do that?  Do you head into time with the Lord praying or reading the bible "knowing" what you expect or hope to get from it?

So I began to read and was looking forward to getting some general insight into life decisions.  As I read, I related more and more to so much of what Lysa wrote.

When I got to the chapter titled "Analysis Paralysis" I began to get clarity into my struggle with making many of our house decisions.  As Andy's work schedule has increased again recently, I have been faced with many of these house decisions on my own.  For most of our building process I have been able to consider decisions, and then bounce ideas off of Andy, or look to him to make the final call.  That's one of the characteristics I love so much about Andy.  He is very decisive.  He's able to make a decision fairly quickly, and once he does there is no looking back.

Me, on the other hand, I can consider decision for days or weeks, and then hesitantly make a decision, and then often for days and weeks to come I will think about whether or not I chose the correctly.  It's enough to drive a person insane!  :)

So building the house, with constant decisions, has shown me a lot about myself.  It's shown me that I often doubt my ability to make a good choice and it's shown me that I fear making mistakes.  This isn't just in building, but it carries over to my every day life.  I discovered that at times I try to escape or veer away from areas that require decisions.

So back to the book.  One of the first sentences that struck me in this chapter was:

"Fear of failure is the real cause of our analysis paralysis."

This sentence couldn't be more true.  I have heard a number of people say to us that no matter how hard you try to make good choices while building, you will move in and wish you did something differently.  I don't know if I took that as a challenge, or it increased my fear, but subconsciously it became my goal to try not to have any regrets.  Honestly, I just don't know if that is possible.  I remember one time a pastor sharing that he got his first new truck after spending a life time with older and used vehicles.  He tried to keep it nice, and would park way out in a parking lot so that no one could possibly hit his truck with their car door.  Well, inevitably one day it finally got a scratch.  Instead of being upset, there was a freedom that came with that first scratch.  His truck wasn't "perfect" any longer and now the fear of that first blemish was gone.

Lysa said she has stayed stuck in the analysis paralysis so may times, trying to figure out which choice is the perfect one.  If she couldn't pick the perfect one, she'd rather stay stuck.  But, eventually she realized that there are no perfect decisions.  She also shared that many times we are faced with a good choice and a good choice.

As I think about the house and our decisions I am aware of several truths.

1. Building this house is a huge blessing and one that I don't want to take for granted.
2. I am constantly faced with a good choice and another good choice.                                          (At the end of the day we are going to be thrilled no matter what colors and counter-tops we choose.)
3. In all areas of my life I can choose to allow the Lord to mold me and make me more like Him and to use my current circumstances to draw closer to Him.  
4. Life is more important that things.  It's really all about the Gospel and loving God and others.

There are many other truths that God has been revealing to me along this journey and I am trying not to dismiss them, but to let Him teach me, correct me, and guide me.

With the recent passing of our fellow home school mom, Leah, I am once again given a much needed perspective shift.  It's fun to get to dream about this new home, but ultimately I want to be focusing on and dreaming about my forever home; my home in Heaven with God.

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4 

For those interested in the house, here are some quick pictures I snapped yesterday when I went to the house to make more decisions. :)

By the way, you will be happy to know that God has used this book to give me freedom about these decisions.  As I began reading this chapter this week I began making decisions left and right.  :)  Gone was the fear of mistakes, because I know they will happen, and gone is the desire for a "perfect" home.  I hope that I will remember to rejoice in the "mistakes" as I discover them and the wishes for different choices as I remember what the Lord showed me during this season and how He once again drew me closer to Him.  And lastly, how He shows me that nothing will be perfect here on earth.  Perfection is only in Him and with Him and the imperfections here on earth will keep us yearning for an eternity with Him.  :)

No Sting in Death!!!! Praise the Lord!

Thank you Lord for the example through Jesus that their is no sting in death.

If you haven't already, please read the post below.

Continue to pray for the Tucker family.

Community

*I've added a link at the bottom of the page if you want to help the family financially.


This has been a hard week.  This week a sister in Christ, a fellow mom in our home school community, entered into the presence of Jesus. 

Monday morning at the opening time for our group it was announced that this family had added a new bundle of joy a few days earlier.  A "pink" bundle of joy I must add!  They already had two boys, so there was a lot of rejoicing about this new daughter.  Little did we know, that within a few hours many of us would be brought to our knees praying for this mom's life.

Everything seemed to happen so quickly.  We received the prayer request, began praying, scheduled a corporate prayer time, emailed and texted friends and family to lift Leah up in prayer, and then waited.

Last night I slept with my phone, waiting for news.  Many of us talked and knew that if we woke in the night we would pray.  As I rose this morning and hadn't heard anything I was at a loss.  Again, all I knew to do was to pray.

I received the news about Leah's passing early this morning and was broken-hearted.  Not because I have any doubt of where she is, but because I think about her family, her boys, her baby girl, and the void many of us will feel when we return to class on Monday and her chair is empty.

Leah was a joy.  Every time I talked with her or saw her from across the room she was always smiling.  There was a realness about her that made you immediately feel comfortable and to know that you could be completely yourself.  She was a helper, always participating in any needs that arose in class.  What stands out to me the most though, is the love I saw between she and her boys.

Today, one of the moms in our home school group opened her home for us to come together.  As soon as I saw her email I knew we would join them.  Today I desired community.  Today we needed community.

Then tonight I watched a church unite and come together to support their Pastor, Leah's husband.  Earlier in the day a few women in the church organized a time where others could come together and pray.  There were hugs and tears, and then a time of prayer.  There was individual prayer time and then small group prayer time.  

At the end of prayer time, it was announced that Pastor Dan had come to briefly share.

As he stood in front of his congregation, who he referred to as family, I wondered what he would say in a moment like this.  I quickly got out my phone to take notes, because I could feel that it was going to be powerful and that I would want to read it again, and that I would desire to soak in the words of someone sharing in the midst of grief.

Here are some of the words Dan shared tonight.

"The goodness of God doesn't stop because of tragedy."

"I've been asked what I need.  I've gotten so much already.  Just knowing you care means so much.  Please don't let satan use this opportunity to do anything destructive.  God is still sovereign.  I hope He gets the glory out of this."

"We don't mourn as those without hope.  We have heaven.  Honor Leah's memory but take that opportunity to share the Gospel.  That's what it's still about."

After he left the room, before we closed in prayer, a man in the congregation stood up and said that we just witnessed a man who lives what he preaches.  To that, there were many amens.

As I was talking to my dad tonight he reminded me of something Pastor Jon Courson said after his 16 year old daughter died.  Someone said to him that they were sorry for his loss.  He responded, "Oh, I didn't lose my daughter, I know exactly where she is."

I pray we are all comforted by knowing exactly where Leah is, and that if we have accepted Jesus into our hearts, one day we will have the joy of joining her.  What a blessed day that will be for each of us!

In the mean time, as Pastor Dan exhorted us to do, tell someone about Jesus.  Lead someone to that assurance of knowing where they will spend eternity.  Let this spur us on to realize that all of our days are numbered, none of us are promised tomorrow, so be bold for Christ, share this wonderful gift that is free to anyone wanting to receive it.  Don't just pray for someone, pray with someone!

And remember this family in your prayers.

This is what was sent around last night, which is why it says to pray for Leah.  We know that where she is, she no longer needs our prayers. :)

But, please pray for Dan, Elijah, Joshua, and Zivah.

If you would like to give, please click on the link below.

Leah Tucker Memorial Fund

"When I Leave the Room"

I can't believe I have never heard this song until tonight.

So touching.  I hope you will listen.  :)

Encourage one another

This is just a quick morning post, but I really wanted to share it.

Yesterday I had a friend text me that she had prayed for me in her quiet time and then she shared some encouraging words and a verse.

To know that someone else intentionally prayed for me not only brought joy to my heart, but reminded me that I am not alone.  Many times throughout the day yesterday I thought about that prayer.  There is power in prayer and I know the Lord heard my friend's prayer.

Often times my prayer life can center around my immediate family and our needs, but this was a good reminder to be praying for others more.  Even if I don't know their needs, I know that God does.

I hope you will pray for a friend today! (and if you do, let them know)  This is one of the greatest ways I know to show love for others.  :)

Pretty Princess Dress

This weekend Ellis and I went on a girl's shopping trip for a very special occasion.  Her daddy has invited her to attend her first daddy/daughter dance.  She is very excited!  Although I know she has no concept of what this is all about.  :)

When we discussed that she would need a pretty dress and we looked in her closet, she let me know that she needed a pretty pink princess dress.

We have been reading this book a lot lately.

It's such a cute book.  On each page it describes a different aspect of a dress like ribbons, lace, sparkles, etc, but then it always says "but this is not my dress", until the last page when all of these elements are put together and then it says "this is my dress!"

So this book was to be our inspiration for our shopping day.

While Ellis and I headed out to the mall, the boys were going to have guy time at Papa's house which they were thrilled about!  The idea was that they would play a game called Axis and Allies.  It's a World War 2 game way beyond their years, but when the boys recently came across it they couldn't wait for an opportunity to try it out.

So Saturday morning was guaranteed to be a fun time for all. :)

Ellis and I began by reading our book for inspiration. 

Then she got a purse and put lip stick (chap stick) in it and we were ready to go.

We made sure to bring our book along.

When considering where to look I remembered that we had great success finding Ellis a pretty dress for her baby dedication at JC Penny's.  We never shop there, for whatever reason, but I figured they may have what we were looking for.  I was hoping to find something shiny and fluffy. :)   When we got there we found some very pretty dresses.  I assumed my girly girl would ooh and ahh over each dress, but instead she got sidetracked.

Apparently socks and frozen t-shirts are much more fun!

I pulled out all of my personal shopping skills and decided to choose some dresses to give Ellis a few options.

After agonizing for about 30 seconds, she made her choice and we were ready to go.  She actually first chose the white dress on the right, but when I showed her the book, she changed her mind and chose this pink one.  I think she did a pretty good job finding a similar dress.

The best surprise was when we checked out the dress was $8.99!!!  At that point I was convinced that this was the absolute PERFECT dress!

Don't you think she did well? :)

We went and had lunch together and Ellis got to ride one of the little rides.  I told her to choose one.  I was thinking that without the boys around she would pick the pink choo choo train, or the pink ice cream truck, NOPE....she picked the Ninja Turtles ride.  :)  I pretty sure she was thinking of her brothers.

When we got to the car I put the dress out so that she could have fun looking at it while we finished our shopping.

When we got home she wanted to put her dress on and immediately she began twirling.  This picture is blurry but it shows her enjoying her dress. :)

This special time of preparing Ellis for her first "date" will be a memory I will always treasure.

Inauguration and Learning to Love the Piles

Last night Andy and I attended the Governor's Inaugural Celebration.  It was a black tie affair and I was excited to go!  I almost backed out because although I found this dress for a great deal last week I didn't have time to get it hemmed and I didn't know what else I could wear.  I thought about a short dress, but I didn't know what was expected.  Ten minutes before we left I decided that I would just hold it up all night with one hand, and walk VERY carefully.  That proved more difficult than I would have thought.  It was my first time without wearing my knee brace since surgery , I was wearing heals, and the event was on very uneven terrain.  I held my dress up with one hand and onto Andy's arm with the other, and walked VERY slowly.  :)

When I thought about backing out I had a close friend really urge me to go. I am so glad that she did, because Andy and I are apart a lot due to his demanding work schedule, and when I have an opportunity to join him I need to take advantage of it.  Her words really penetrated my heart and made me realize that I need to do whatever I can to be Andy's partner in anyway I can be.  Whether it's joining him at a work function or listening to him share about the busyness of his days or making it happen when he mentions wanting a date night.  I want to do a better job of coming a long side of him and helping to meet his needs. 

As a mom with little kids I get so caught up in my days and am often times worn down by the time Andy gets home that I don't listen as intently as I should and although I'm often not physically at his job, I do desire to be a part of his world.

One of Andy's colleague's had his new wife with him and I had a few moments to encourage her to be present at as many events as she can be.

I'm thankful for my friend sharing those words with me, and I want to pass them along to others, because I know that there is such wisdom in them.

With two of my favorite guys at the end of the night.

I went to say goodnight to Ellis so that I could show her my dress since she didn't really see it earlier and let her know one day she'll get pretty dresses too.  :)

P.S.  Right after I took this picture I changed into pj's and sat on the couch with a big bag of pretzel m&m's.  So glad I'm not trying to fit into another fancy dress anytime soon.  :)

It was nice to have a night out last night and time with my hubby, but it is a committee week which means long hours for Andy (and me!). :)

This afternoon the kids and I ran to Target and I decided to take them to Chic-fil-e for dinner.  By the time we got home it was dark, windy, cold and close to bed time, but I knew we needed to get clean.  We bought some bubble bath so the kids begged to have a bath all together (which is not our normal routine).  I started the bath and they piled in and I began looking around the house and this is what I saw.

Piles, piles everywhere.  Tonight I was drained of energy and the thought of needing to deal with these piles overwhelmed me.  

But, again I am reminded, it's all about perspective.  I was reminded of this as I went into the bathroom to referee some fussing (for the hundredth time today) and I couldn't help but smile at this picture.

There they are.  The reason for my many piles.  Happily enjoying a bath.  A bath in which they are all squished together.  Sure there may be fussing and splashing and water on the floor, but they desire to be together and that makes all of the piles in the world worth it.

Those of you in my world, I hope you will remind me if I whine or complain about being tired or overwhelmed, that it is the greatest blessing in the world to be entrusted with four precious souls and to get to spend my days with them.

One day the piles won't be here.  One day everything will stay exactly where I put it.  On those days I pray that I will be filled with warm memories of days gone by appreciating the moments with my children, my loves.

I hope you will go and hug and love on someone special in your life.  Make sure to tell them you love them.  (Once or twice or a hundred times today!)  :)

Back to school and what we're reading

Today was our first day back to school.  It's kind of fun that I decide when we go on Christmas break and when we start "school" again. Christmas break was fun, getting to play, stay up late, watch movies, but after a few weeks I'm ready to get back into some sort of a routine.  Since our co-op begins again this month I wanted to get back into the swing of things a few weeks ahead of time.

After my knee surgery I spent almost an entire week in bed and I spent a lot of time on my laptop. Our co-op follows the classical model of schooling and I have found a lot of curriculum that goes along with that style that I really like.  But, one thing that I really was missing this year was reading with the kids.  Not that classical schooling in anyway dissuades you from reading with your kids, but I found that it was one of the first things to be pushed off until the next day when we fell behind in our schoolwork.  Reading with the kids is one of the greatest pleasures I have being home with them, and I was missing some of the joy in our school days because of not making it a priority.

So, while I was spending time on the computer I came across several Charlotte Mason sites that I really connected with.  To understand a portion of what Charlotte Mason believed here is an explanation about how she viewed books from this web site.   Reading this helped me re examine our schooling and decide to make reading time with the kids a priority.

Charlotte’s students used living books rather than dry textbooks. Living books are usually written in narrative or story form by one author who has a passion for his topic. A living book makes the subject “come alive.”

As I searched out Charlotte Mason home-schoolers, there were wonderful book suggestions that I sifted through and began to place orders for.  I was able to get many of the books used which also meant they were from individual sellers, so several times a week I would find a package in our mail box.  I LOVE getting mail, so this was a real treat for me!!  That, on top of Christmas cards, made this one of the best December mail months ever! :)  As the packages continued to arrive, Andy said to me one night, "So this is what you were doing on your computer." :)

Since I couldn't go upstairs for several weeks after surgery, we schooled downstairs instead of in our usual area in the loft.  Instead of jumping right into our seat work, we would all find a spot on the couch and begin our day with reading.  It was wonderful!  Now, some days it would take us about 15 minutes to figure out where everyone was sitting, who was sitting next to who, who was sharing whose blanket with who, etc.  But, once we got settled, I would begin reading and they would be captivated by the stories.  Some days the littles could sit for longer periods than others, and at times they would slither off of the couch and begin to play quietly within a few feet of us.

Some of the things that I have helpful found when reading aloud are:

• Begin with books that interest the younger children.  If I could settle them with one of their books, they would tend to stay and listen as we moved on to other books that were a little more advanced.  Plus, my older ones still find pleasure in these books, as do I.

• Find books that contain colorful and interesting illustrations.  It definitely helps to have pictures to capture their attention.  Especially on pages with longer narrations.

• Linger over the pages.  I used to read a story (short stories) cover to cover without stopping.  But I have found that with these shorter books, especially ones with wonderful illustrations, it's so nice to stop on each page and ask them questions about what I read or what we see.  They love pointing out animals, or flowers, or anything else that they see.

• When I'm reading chapter books, we set up some sort of toys that they can play quietly with while I read.  Since there are rarely pictures in these books it's almost impossible to get the little ones to sit still quietly.  You can erase "almost" in that last sentence. :)  I know that the littles may not follow the story, but the big boys get an opportunity to follow along and play.  Most days this goes really well because they know if they aren't doing this quietly we will move on from reading and begin our other work.  :)  Many times we will get out our Imaginext and play quietly with them.  Today they had cars and trucks out because they had built structures out of Magformers and Arx that they got for Christmas.

So here is a sampling of how we began today.

Ellis got this book for Christmas and she loves it!

We were introduced to Richard Scarry books when Drew was younger and he has become one of my favorite children's authors.  These books have some of the most interesting and colorful illustrations I have ever seen, and as you can see from the second picture, there are so many details to linger over on each page.

This was one of the new books I had received in the mail over the holidays and it was a sweet book based on a true story of a young girl becoming a teacher.  We took our time talking about the story and examining the pictures.  It will definitely be a re-read for us.  :)

This has become a daily read for us.  It is filled with well known fairy tales, poems, and stories I'm unfamiliar with.  The illustrations are colorful and plentiful.  (There are a few black and white pictures sprinkled though out.)  I came across this series of books several months ago and went ahead and ordered them.  I was able to get a used set consisting of 10 of the 12 in the series.  It progresses from simple stories to much more in depth in the upper books.  I did look on Amazon the other day and it looks like they have significantly gone up in price, but wanted to mention them in case any of you ever come across them. :)

We did not read this next book today, but it is one of the ones I recently ordered and gifted to Drew for Christmas.  I mention it because as Knox and I were working on some copy work today, his sentence was about Winnie-the-Pooh.  Drew chimed in that he knew how Winnie-the-Pooh came about.  It was not only fascinating for me to learn about, but I also delighted in the fact that my 8 year old was able to teach us about it based on a book he has been reading.  (The third picture tells about Winnie-the-Pooh's origin for those interested.)

And finally, this is our current read-a-loud.  We don't get to it everyday, but I just pick up wherever we left off.

I'm so excited as I think about filling our days with more and more books.  I realize that every home school mom is different and I need to be thoughtful about what not only brings the children joy, but also myself.  Reading in our family seems to be a win/win.

 If anyone has any must reads, please pass them along!