A "New" Normal

What is normal?  The dictionary defines it using words such as usual, ordinary, a regular pattern, and not strange.  :)  I really like that last one.  As I ponder what normal is, I think about the things in our family that seem normal to us, but may seem strange to others.

The fact that our two year old sleeps in our closet in a pack n play is completely normal to us (and her).  I am curious as to what she will think of her new room with windows.  ;)







It is completely normal for us to have the kids dressed up in a variety of costumes at any time.  It's normal to see Ellis as a soldier or wearing a clone helmet 1/2 her size.  (She does have 3 older brothers.)  It's normal for the boys to come downstairs to show me who they are, when I didn't even know they were dressing up to begin with.

 

It is normal to see the kids during school time wearing next to nothing.  On this day Ellis saw that none of her brothers had on much clothing so she insisted on taking hers off and would not allow me to put anything on her the entire morning. 

 

Drew and Knox were doing school in their bathing suits on this day because we were meeting friends at a splash pad after we finished.  They wanted to make sure they were ready to go.  Completely normal for us:)

 It's VERY normal to find this little one sneaking treats off of the counter.  She is just the right height to do this and I wonder how many times she's done this and not been caught.  :)

 

So... what is normal?  All summer long I kept telling Andy I want a normal week.  A normal week to me looks like one where he is home every night by dinner and has no travel or night time work commitments.  Every spring as Andy works through session and the demanding hours it requires, I always say I look forward to when it ends and we can all catch our breath, and get back to "normal".  Well, this year, as I mentioned in a previous post, session ended and the following Thursday he was on a plane to the Keys.  I thought that was going to be a unique circumstance, but instead it was only the beginning.  I longed for time this summer where he would be home more and we would "catch up" on the time he had been gone during session.  As we have neared the end of summer I think there were a total of 2 or 3 weeks that didn't involve travel. 

 

Last night, as Andy was informing me of his upcoming travel (and I was about to have a breakdown), I realized that I needed to redefine normal.  I have discovered that when I hold certain expectations and then they are different than what I thought, I am overwhelmed with disappointment and resentment.

 

Here are some pictures that represent "reality" vs. "expectations". :)

 

 

Although these pictures make me laugh, and Andy's schedule does not, last night I realized that I need to redefine our normal;  I need to change my expectation to reflect our current reality.  The reality is that right now Andy has a lot of travel.  The reality is that he isn't able to be home every night during the week.  The reality is that Andy is working hard to provide for our family.  The reality is that Andy isn't "choosing" to leave our family, he needs to fulfill his work obligations.  The reality is that God will be there to help us through this time.

 

There is something very peaceful about changing unrealistic expectations and accepting reality.

 

 

This morning at church Pastor Kent was teaching on Luke 8:1-15, also known as the Parable of the Sower and the Seed.  In these verses Jesus describes 4 kinds of hearts.  One thing he said that specifically struck me was when he talked about the 3rd kind of heart.  It's described in verse 14...

 

"Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity."

 

Oh yes, how I have felt choked by my cares, or as the NIV puts it "life's worries". 

 

My desire is the have the 4th kind of heart.

 

"But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience." (vs.15)

 

My prayer is that by being in the Word, communicating with God throughout my day, and making a conscious effort to change my expectations, that I will bear fruit. 

 

John 15:5 says...

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

 

Andy's travel is our "new" normal.  I am not only accepting it, but I am embracing it.  I am excited to see how God will teach me, strengthen me, and reveal Himself to me as I turn to Him to carry me through.

So, how are you?

I have had several friends check in on us since we started school, asking "so how's it going?"  The answer to that depends on a few things.

#1  It depends on what day/time they ask. :)

#2  It depends on whether I decide to share a typical "pretty good", or if I decide to lay it all out for them and "get real".  :)

This year I have put more time into creating a schedule that I am hoping will give us some flexibility with the littles, and still help us to complete our daily assignments.  Part of the reason I wanted to start school early is because I knew that this schedule would take quite a bit of tweaking.  The first week was eye opening and I was able to make some helpful adjustments to the schedule. 

But, the reality is, is that it is very hard for me to do school with two little ones.  Last year, Davis was a similar age as Ellis, but it was easier to incorporate him into sitting at the table, or playing independently with toys, or later in the year he was able to use the computer.  With Davis and Ellis, it seems like someone is always borrowing stealing someone else's toys, they are both wanting to do "school" in the middle of one of the boy's spelling tests, or things are quiet and you walk into a bedroom that must have just had a tornado come through it since every toy that exists is out (and not being played with). :) 

We have definitely had some good days, but today....well, today I was at a loss. 

Towards the end of our morning school time my mind was wandering.  Some of the thoughts going through my head were "I need to research mother morning out programs for Ellis and/or Davis.  Maybe I could get a sitter to pick up the littles 1 morning a week so that we could get some undivided school time.  I should re-work the schedule (again), and make it more flexible in the mornings and more academic heavy in the afternoons during Ellis' nap time.  I should plan more, prepare more, have more activities ready to grab for the littles to do"....and on and on my mind went.

I'm not sure how our year will end up looking.  I have had homeschool friends who had their little ones in a moms morning out program and that worked great for them!  I've considered it in the past, but always hesitated when following through.  I have to believe that's the Lord leading me and directing me as to what He wants me to do.  I truly believe that everyone does things differently because the Lord is speaking to us individually and telling us what He wants for our family, so I try to "listen" closely.  (But, sometimes it's so loud at home I'm not sure I can hear clearly.)  ;) 

I had a sitter (and a Papa) in the past who, for a few months, would pick Davis up and take him on adventures.  That was great because Ellis was napping and Davis was having a blast, and the big boys and I were able to be very productive.

I'm sure the schedule will be worked, and re-worked, and thrown away at some point, and re-worked again.  Being flexible is not one of my strongest qualities, but with four kids, it is definitely coming easier.

The thought of increasing our academic studies in the afternoon gives me pause, because I know that the boys and I work best in the morning when we are fresh and wide awake.  We do school in the afternoon, but we usually complete our more difficult subjects in the morning.  After lunch it seems like we all hit a little bit of an afternoon slump.  It's worked out as a perfect time for us to do some group subjects like history and Latin, and to complete independent workbooks.

There is no perfect solution, and I guess that's what I want to and NEED to realize.  There are going to be some days where I tell my friends that it was a great day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the kids were eager and excited about school.  And then there are going to be days like today where it's a struggle to get through every book, our schedule is tossed out the window, and Ellis and Davis have to have a million (plus one) "I'm sorry" hugs to each other.  But, with each day, I wouldn't change it for the world (even if you find me researching schools on my computer).  ;)  The moments I get with my kids, the giggling I hear coming from the room as Davis is making Ellis laugh about who knows what, the random "I love you Mom" from Drew in the middle of a workbook, the excitement from Knox as he demonstrates to his older brother how to play his new Language Arts games....well, these are the moments I'm glad I didn't miss.  It's moments like these, and a hundred other little tiny ones, that make my mama's heart happy and full of joy. 

I try to remember that this is a season.  It won't always consist of dirty diapers in the middle of math, a much needed goldfish snack break, pulling out every toy that might keep the little ones entertained for an entire 2 1/2 minutes (fingers crossed :) ).  It also won't consist of 4 kids all trying to figure out a way to sit in my lap, "buddy" time watching the big ones loving on the little ones, kids working so hard on their school work to gain my approval....well, maybe that last one will last forever....I can only hope.  ;)  What I do know is that I'm not alone.  Today in my Bible study I read this scripture and highlighted the last line,

"He tends his flock like a shepherd:

He gathers the lambs in his arms

and carries them close to his heart;

he gently leads those that have young."

 

Isaiah 40:11

 

I'm so encouraged to know that I'm not alone.  The Lord will lead me.  May I remember to keep my eyes on Him.

A few of my favorite things....

A few weeks ago Andy and I went to a dive in movie at a friend's house.  If you have never gone to one, it's basically where you go swimming and watch a movie.  This friend is one of Andy's partners in his firm and he and his wife are so much fun to be around!  I don't think I've ever not laughed (a lot) when we've been together.  Well, apparently he thought it would be funny to start off not playing our feature movie (which was a surprise) so we could groan and complain and roll our eyes.  The problem was he chose a movie I love The Sound of Music.  So as the music began my heart leapt with excitement, until I realized that we would only get to see and hear about 60 seconds before it was turned off to reveal the feature film Rock of Ages.  I must add, I have yet to see Rock of Ages, because I chose to spend my time chatting away on the porch with some fun ladies.  :)  But, hearing the Sound of Music for a minute made me think about a few of "My Favorite Things".

 

Beauty Products

This first item is a lotion my sister-in-law got me for a birthday a while ago.  As you can tell I have been hanging on to the very last bit of it.  I love it because it smells great, goes on so smoothly, and really makes my skin feel moisturized.  I had been holding onto the bottle so that I could ask my SIL where she got it so that I could pick one up on one of our trips to Ocala.  I then had a light bulb moment last week and realized that I'm sure I could find it on amazon.  I'm not sure why it took me this long to think of that, but you'll be happy to know that my new bottle arrived this week and so my old bottle is on its way out.  :)

 



 

I discovered this lip balm at a store on one of our date nights when we were shopping for new flip flops.  I love the way it smells, feels, and glides on so smoothly.  It's my every day go to, when I'm not wearing lipstick.

 

 

Several years ago I went to a MAC make-up how to class, and the next two items are my favorite products I learned about there.  I'm not usually one for "extras" but I really love these products.  The first one is Prep and Prime and you put it on after your face moisturizer and before your foundation.  Just a squirt is enough to spread across your nose, cheek, and forehead area.  It really does make my foundation go on much smoother and seems to help keep it in place for a longer time.  I definitely notice a difference on the days I don't use it. 

 

 

 This is a paint pot in the Painterly color.  I apply this (almost daily) to my eyelids before applying my eye shadow.  It's a creamy texture and can be worn alone, which I sometimes do.  But, mostly I use it as a foundation to keep my shadow on, and it does a great job of that!

 

Shoes/Accessories

I love shoes, but I feel like the last several years I just haven't come across many I just "had to have".  I did buy both of these in the past year and wear them all the time.  Not only do I love how they look, they are extremely comfortable.  It's so hard to know that until you buy a shoe, but when I do find that shoe they will be worn often. :)

 

I had been looking for a good pair of wedges and came across these Jessica Simpson ones.  They are camel colored and I feel like they go with so much.  I've worn them with shorts, dresses, and jeans.  I feel like they are an extremely versatile shoe.  FYI- I do wear these mainly on date nights and to church or a special event.  I do not wear these going to the grocery store or to the park.  I'm definitely a flip flop kind of girl.  I am so glad I live in Florida so that I can wear them 80% of the year.  :)

 

 

I saw these booties on a blog last year and loved how they looked on the girl wearing them.  I wasn't sure if I could pull them off since they are so different than what I have typically worn in the past, but I went and tried them on and fell in love.  I wore them so much this past winter, I definitely got my money's worth.  Again, they are Jessica Simpson, and very comfortable.  You can wear them without socks, but I found these little bootie socks at Kohl's and usually wear them with those.  Most of the time, I ended up wearing these with jeans.

 

 

 A few Christmases ago Andy got me this necklace and I absolutely love it.  I wear it all of the time!  It's one of my favorite gifts I have ever received because it involves the kids (who are some of my VERY favorite things). :)  I love any opportunity I get to tell someone that I am a mom.  It's been one of my greatest blessings and wearing their names around my neck is something I am very happy to do.  (Fyi...I think Andy ordered it from Restoration Hardware)

 

You can't really see it well in this picture, but this is how it lays when I wear it.  I tease the kids that my favorite kids name is on top, so I try to mix it up some times in case they ever check in.  Only Drew seems to be concerned with that. :)

 



 

Before Ellis was born I made a ton of headbands for her to wear as a newborn, but as soon as she began to get more hair I was in search of the perfect bow.  I finally found these at Hobby Lobby.  I like that they don't lay too flat and that they are on a clip that easily slides into her hair.  She pretty much has them in every color they make.  I also have some of the smaller size for when she wears pigtails. 

 

 

 

 

Books, etc. :)

I love to read;  I always have.  As a young girl, my dad and I would go on a "date" to the Gainesville library.  I would head downstairs to the kids section and collect the many books that I wanted to take home for the month and then find a cozy place to begin reading as I waited to my dad to collect all of his books.  Those are some of my fondest memories.

 

I still love to read, and I love that I married someone who also loves reading.  Although, we do not share books often.  My books are usually Christian fiction, and his books are some kind of boy books.  I don't even really know.  I do know that one time when I didn't have a book to read I asked him for a suggestion and he gave me one of his books to enjoy.  Aside from not having much of a feel good point to the story, it was also hard to follow with many confusing plots and story lines.  It made my head hurt trying to follow it.  We usually do most of our reading at night before turning out the lights.  To me it's the perfect way to wind down and relax before falling asleep.

 

My very favorite book is Redeeming Love.  It's a story I've read and re-read.  Here's is a part of the description found on amazon that puts it perfectly...

 

"A powerful retelling of the story of Gomer and Hosea, Redeeming Love is a life-changing story of God’s unconditional, redemptive, all-consuming love."

 

If you have not had the opportunity to read it, I highly recommend it!

 

 

This is one of the first "sets" of books I received from my parents.  I think I was in about 6th grade.  I remember reading them and immediately loving them.  It's been years since I have read them.  I keep wondering if I will read them sometime soon, or save them as something that Ellis and I will read together.  Of course, now there's a few movies based off of this series and the series continues beyond what was originally released.  Janette Oke is a wonderful author and I have enjoyed other books from her as well.

 

 

As an adult this is one of the series that I first discovered and loved on my own.  As I read these books, the author, Karen Kingsbury, did such a great job writing them, that I felt like I was a part of this family.  I rejoiced with them and cried with them, and couldn't wait until the next book was released so that I could find out what was happening with this family.  These were so widely popular that there were several off shoot series that were tied to this original set of books.  I recommend (and own) :) them all.  Although, the original 5 books are probably my favorite.

 

This is not Fiction, but is the life story of a singer, Keith Green, that my dad listened to as we were growing up.  Keith Green lost his life, with 2 of his children, at a young age, and he was completely sold out for Jesus.  You will see that if you get a chance to read his story.  As I read this book it brought back wonderful childhood memories of listening to his music.  (I currently have his CD in my car as I still listen today.) Reading it challenges me and spurs me on to want to live "radically" for Jesus as Keith Green did.

 

 

As I mentioned a few posts ago, Jon Courson is one of my favorite pastors.  This is the set of CDs I listened to when I first heard him preach.  I have never seen him in person, but I do watch him or listen to him on-line.  He came and did a Men's Retreat at our church years ago, but we weren't in town the Sunday he was there.  One of my best friends lent me their copy of the retreat CD's and when I listened to them, I knew this was a teacher that would remain in my life.  I almost saw him one other time when I joined my friend to attend a Children's Ministry retreat in California.  He was to speak our last morning there, but we needed to get to the airport, so we had to miss.  :(  I seriously considered missing my flight, but I don't think our husbands would have appreciated that.

 

I own all of Courson's commentaries and they are a great resource for me when I want to dig in a little further.

 

Last, but certainly not least...

Yummm!!!  Enough said. :)

 

 

 

Comment and let me know some of your favorite things.  I have always believed that the best form of advertisement is word of mouth, and I'd love to have some new favorite things to add to my list. :)

Lordy, Lordy, My Big Brother's 40!

Andy and I just got back from a quick 24 hour whirlwind trip to Ocala.  We headed there to celebrate my brother Eddie's 40th birthday.  We had a wonderful time!  Andy's parents "happily" agreed to keep the kids so they were "happily" left in Tallahassee for some fun Gigi and Papa time. :)

 

Eddie and his wife Kate invited family and friends to come and celebrate with them at a local restaurant.  There was laughing and crying, and fun catching up with old friends!  It was a great night! 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the highlights of the night for me was getting to catch up with one of my favorite people Amy.  We live several hours apart, so we don't get to see one another as often as we would like, but any time I get with her is a true blessing.  I always leave feeling encouraged, inspired, and truly connected.  It's such a joy to have friendships that no matter the time apart or distance you just pick up right where you left off.  Just a cool side note, she and my brother have known each other since they were born.  There was a picture of the two of them together as babies.  So amazing to have lifelong friendships! (sorry I didn't do a better job with getting a picture of that) :)

 

 

Before dinner, my mom, dad, and I said a few words.  I shared a funny story from our childhood that has been brought up multiple times through the years, and NOT by me! :)  When we were young, we were working in the yard as a family raking leaves.  I thought it would be funny to hide Eddie's football in a pile of leaves.  Looking back, I'm not sure why I thought that would be funny, since Eddie wouldn't have been looking for it any time soon.  Anyway, later that day, having completely forgotten about the football we all hear a LOUD POP!  It took me a few minutes, and then it registered.  Let me back up for a minute.  Not only were we raking leaves, but apparently, unbeknownst to me, we were burning leaves.  Oops!!!  That loud pop was Eddie's poor football exploding in the fire.  I ran to my room and flung myself on the bed crying because I was so upset over what I have done.  Meantime, Eddie is telling my dad, "she better pay for that."  Through the years all I heard was how that was the best football he ever had.  So, 30 years later I decided that it would be a perfect time to get him a new football. :)  Let's just hope it's as good as the one I ruined. 

 

 

What my parents shared was so heartfelt and special I asked them for a copy of what they said so that I could re-read their comments again.  I asked them for permission to share a part of it here. 

One thing my mom said that really touched me is "You are a man that I am proud to say is my very own son - a man I would be honored to call "friend" even if you were not my own flesh and blood."  And it's so true.  I always describe my brother as being such a nice guy, and he's not just a nice adult, he was always nice, even when we were younger.  My mom went on the say... "although you have always amazed me with your determination and perseverance, I have also learned to respect your gentleness and humility."  That really does describe Eddie perfectly.  As long as I can remember he was passionate about building and creating, and he poured himself into this passion, working hard, learning, researching, and today is an extremely talented architect as a result.  But, the other side of Eddie is the gentleness and humility that is a part of his character.  He really does "love others" well, and as I've witnessed time and time again, put others first.   

 

Part of what my dad shared is such a strong testimony of God's mighty work that I wanted to share that as well.  Here's part of what he said.

 

"40 is a significant as well as large number, and I want to remind you of a couple of other 40s.  40 years ago your mother was in labor 40 hours before your birth, 40 minutes after we heard your first cry, the doctor took me aside and told me there was a problem.  You were born two months premature, and you had a condition known as Hylen-membrane disease.  You could not take in oxygen.  40 hours after your birth, you were taken to the adult intensive care unit and placed on 100% pure oxygen.  I was there with your Uncle Mark when your heart stopped beating, the monitor going flat.  A nurse came in and flicked your heel and your heart started again.  Your mother and I prayed night and day for you, I fasted for 3 days begging God to give you life.  We finally both prayed separately giving you to the Lord, promising that we would continue to serve Him if you were taken from us.  A week after your birth, we were called to the hospital because the doctors knew that it was just a matter of minutes before you would be gone.  We had the assurance in our hearts that God had other plans.  By the end of that long night the nurses came and told us that you were completely off the ventilator and breathing on your own.  People can explain this away as a medical anomaly, an unexplained phenomenon, your mother and I know that the Lord healed you.  Son, I want you to know that you were healed and given to us for 40 years not because we are good, or people of great faith, but because He is merciful and has a plan for your life."

 

 

 

As I listened to my dad share and learn some new details about my brother's miraculous beginning, I first gave thanks for the privilege I've had to know Eddie and have him in my life and to not only be his sister but his friend.  I was also overwhelmed by this amazing testimony of God's grace and love and healing power.  There truly is no hopelessness with the Lord.  With Him all things are possible.  Just look at my brother.  He's perfectly healthy and has a beautiful wife and adorable son, and is a walking miracle. 

 

It's easy for me to look at what I'm going through and not bring it before God because I just really don't expect that anything will change.  Not because of my lack of belief, but more a lack of dependence on Him.  I have tried to be self dependent so often, that I forget that the Lord is right here whenever I need to turn to Him and I can place my burdens at His feet.  When I was younger there was a song we sang that goes,

 

"I cast all my cares upon you,

I lay all of my burdens down at your feet,

and anytime I don't know what to do,

I will cast all my cares upon you."

 

It's amazing to me that my parents realized that at such a young age as they gave their newborn son's life to the Lord.  Eddie's life and death were out of their hands and they realized he was being cradled by our Mighty God.

 

I hope that I will remember this on a daily basis.  As I'm overwhelmed with cares and burdens and concerns, I want to lay them down at the feet of the One who knows what to do.

 

Fabulous Friday!

I almost can't believe it, but we broke ground on our future home today! 

Andy and I have always loved looking at property and houses and dreaming about where we might want to live.  Our current home has been wonderful and we certainly couldn't beat the location being right downtown.  It is literally a 2 minute drive to Andy's office.  But, as our family has grown so has our desire to have more room both inside and out. 

Several years ago we drove through a neighborhood that had beautiful surroundings, but was pretty far from downtown.  I remember Andy and I talking about how we didn't think we would ever want to live that far, especially on the days when he has to work late.  But....that was before we had kids.  Now the thought of space to be outside, a neighborhood to ride bikes in, other friends to play with, and a little lake to fish on sounds perfect. :)  So the drive may be a little farther, but we decided that it will be worth it.

I was towards the end of my pregnancy with Ellis when we began looking at lots.  I remember this because I was so big I couldn't bend over to put my own tennis shoes on to walk the lots. :)  Shortly after she was born, we closed on our lot.

Ellis turned two in June, so the past 2 years we have spent working on a plan with our builder and driving out to our lot countless times to look and dream about the future. 

It's hard to believe it's finally here!  I can't wait to walk around our neighborhood with these kiddos. :) 

 

Being Intentional and getting real

In my last entry I mentioned that the Lord was working on opening my eyes to some distractions that have made me "less present" with my kids.  With that said, I want to share specifically some of the ways I am making some changes this year so that I can be intentional about how my days are spent.  My hope is that my honest and real struggles will resonate with others and encourage you that you are not alone. 

So to be real with you, the last several years I felt like my goal was to get to nap time.  That doesn't mean I never had fun with the kids or enjoyed our time together, but when lunch came and went and it was time for the little ones to take naps and the big boys to have quiet time, I felt like I had made it!  When Drew was a baby I used nap time to clean the house or return phone calls, or do things that really needed to get done.  As the years went on it slowly evolved into filling my down time with mindless activity.  I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying something or giving yourself some time to renew or refresh, but I began to fill my time with things that weren't just fun when I got around to them, but activities that I was thinking about and couldn't wait to enjoy and things that I would get upset about if I had to miss out on them.  One of the biggest desires I craved was to watch one of my shows.  As soon as I was alone I would turn on the TV and watch one of my recordings.  Lately I've been thinking more and more about what I am filling my mind with.  I keep hearing tidbits, as I listen to sermons by one of my favorite pastors Jon Courson (http://www.joncourson.com), about not being deceived.  He's said the things of the world can and will influence you.  Then today I was working on a bible study and read James 1:21 "Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."  Man, that really struck me hard.  I know right now the Lord is pruning particular areas of my life, so as I read that scripture it convicted me.  I don't want to be legalistic about what's okay and what's not okay, but it does make me think, am I filling myself with God's Word more than I am filling myself with my "shows"?  Am I allowing the things I watch and entertain myself with to fill a void that only God can fill?  Is that part of why I feel I'm on empty some days and lacking the joy I want to fill me up?  The things of the world are fleeting, but God and His word are eternal and life giving.

So going into this year I have decided to make some changes and to be intentional about being present with my kids.  The first decision I made was to get off of facebook.  It was so tempting for me to check in to see what everyone else was up to.  I would feel like I had true interaction with others by posting comments or having others comment on my page.  I decided I did not need that distraction, especially during school days.  I also decided that I wanted to have more personal interaction with others.  I would follow my friends on facebook and feel like I didn't need to check in because I saw what they were up to.  So now I'm trying to be better about checking in more often, even if it's just through texts.  I'm finding it's really nice to hear first hand about what my friends doing. :) 

Another thing I do during school is that (unless I'm expecting an important phone call) I leave my phone downstairs and on silent during school time so that I'm not tempted to be distracted while we are working.  I did this most of last year and it works out really well for me.  I already have enough distractions with Davis and Ellis, so I don't need to add my phone to the mix.  :)

So....with my biggest temptation of watching my shows, I have made the decision not to watch my them during the day.  I still plan to have some down time, but it will look different.  So far most days I have gone to my room and worked on a bible study, blogged : ), researched homeschool ideas, read, etc.  I've reduced the amount of time I have to myself since I created a school schedule that has us resuming work after an afternoon break time.  So far it's going really great!  I did decide that if I want to watch a show, I will save it for Fridays.  I know that I also need to re-examine some of the shows I've come to really enjoy.  I don't even want to type that because it makes me feel more accountable to confront this.  I have been praying that the Lord would open my eyes to things I need to remove from my life and that He would do more than just reveal them to me.  I'm asking Him to take the desire away.  That's what happened with FB.  I had tried to get off in the past and it was SO hard.  This time I just got off and that was that.  I haven't missed it at all.  I know that may seem silly to some people, but to me I knew that the Lord had removed the desire.

One of the biggest changes in all of this is that I feel I am here with my kids.  Yes we are together all day every day, but I was so distracted before I don't think I was really and truly engaged in the way I desired.  Little by little I allowed these distractions I listed (and others) to creep in and steal time with my family.  I was missing out on special moments and interactions with my kids.  Honestly?.... I do not miss the hold that these things had on me.  I don't miss craving built in escapes throughout my day.  I am enjoying being here and present for the good, the bad, and the screaming.  :)  God has blessed me with these wonderfully unique children and I want to know them....really know them....and to be a good steward of these gifts.