So to be real with you, the last several years I felt like my goal was to get to nap time. That doesn't mean I never had fun with the kids or enjoyed our time together, but when lunch came and went and it was time for the little ones to take naps and the big boys to have quiet time, I felt like I had made it! When Drew was a baby I used nap time to clean the house or return phone calls, or do things that really needed to get done. As the years went on it slowly evolved into filling my down time with mindless activity. I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying something or giving yourself some time to renew or refresh, but I began to fill my time with things that weren't just fun when I got around to them, but activities that I was thinking about and couldn't wait to enjoy and things that I would get upset about if I had to miss out on them. One of the biggest desires I craved was to watch one of my shows. As soon as I was alone I would turn on the TV and watch one of my recordings. Lately I've been thinking more and more about what I am filling my mind with. I keep hearing tidbits, as I listen to sermons by one of my favorite pastors Jon Courson (http://www.joncourson.com), about not being deceived. He's said the things of the world can and will influence you. Then today I was working on a bible study and read James 1:21 "Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." Man, that really struck me hard. I know right now the Lord is pruning particular areas of my life, so as I read that scripture it convicted me. I don't want to be legalistic about what's okay and what's not okay, but it does make me think, am I filling myself with God's Word more than I am filling myself with my "shows"? Am I allowing the things I watch and entertain myself with to fill a void that only God can fill? Is that part of why I feel I'm on empty some days and lacking the joy I want to fill me up? The things of the world are fleeting, but God and His word are eternal and life giving.
So going into this year I have decided to make some changes and to be intentional about being present with my kids. The first decision I made was to get off of facebook. It was so tempting for me to check in to see what everyone else was up to. I would feel like I had true interaction with others by posting comments or having others comment on my page. I decided I did not need that distraction, especially during school days. I also decided that I wanted to have more personal interaction with others. I would follow my friends on facebook and feel like I didn't need to check in because I saw what they were up to. So now I'm trying to be better about checking in more often, even if it's just through texts. I'm finding it's really nice to hear first hand about what my friends doing. :)
Another thing I do during school is that (unless I'm expecting an important phone call) I leave my phone downstairs and on silent during school time so that I'm not tempted to be distracted while we are working. I did this most of last year and it works out really well for me. I already have enough distractions with Davis and Ellis, so I don't need to add my phone to the mix. :)
So....with my biggest temptation of watching my shows, I have made the decision not to watch my them during the day. I still plan to have some down time, but it will look different. So far most days I have gone to my room and worked on a bible study, blogged : ), researched homeschool ideas, read, etc. I've reduced the amount of time I have to myself since I created a school schedule that has us resuming work after an afternoon break time. So far it's going really great! I did decide that if I want to watch a show, I will save it for Fridays. I know that I also need to re-examine some of the shows I've come to really enjoy. I don't even want to type that because it makes me feel more accountable to confront this. I have been praying that the Lord would open my eyes to things I need to remove from my life and that He would do more than just reveal them to me. I'm asking Him to take the desire away. That's what happened with FB. I had tried to get off in the past and it was SO hard. This time I just got off and that was that. I haven't missed it at all. I know that may seem silly to some people, but to me I knew that the Lord had removed the desire.
One of the biggest changes in all of this is that I feel I am here with my kids. Yes we are together all day every day, but I was so distracted before I don't think I was really and truly engaged in the way I desired. Little by little I allowed these distractions I listed (and others) to creep in and steal time with my family. I was missing out on special moments and interactions with my kids. Honestly?.... I do not miss the hold that these things had on me. I don't miss craving built in escapes throughout my day. I am enjoying being here and present for the good, the bad, and the screaming. :) God has blessed me with these wonderfully unique children and I want to know them....really know them....and to be a good steward of these gifts.
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