Psalms

So a few friends and I decided to read Psalms and Proverbs this month.  If you read 5 Psalms per day and 1 Proverb you will have read both books in one month.  It's been a definite blessing to be reading these books of the bible, and also to be encouraging one another as sister's in Christ.  So far, I have had an opportunity to read mine first thing in the morning before the kids get up.  Since Andy hasn't been in town, I have been skipping gym time and instead waking up early for some alone time.  Although, I shouldn't really say it's been alone time, because it's been a precious time with the Lord.

Each morning I would have my journal open, ready to write any verses that particularly speak to me. 

Yesterday, our reading involved my favorite verse, Psalm 37:4.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I think that used to be my favorite verse because I thought that meant if I was being a "good" Christian girl then God would give me anything I wanted.  : )  I now have come to understand, in a real way, that if I am delighting in the Lord and spending time with Him, His desires become mine.  I have found His desires to be much more fulfilling than what I desire.

I love that as we mature in our walk with Him, he constantly teaches us and opens our hearts and eyes to new, deeper, more fulfilling truths.

Today started off in Psalms and Proverbs and then Andy and I headed to our building site to have a meeting about some questions we had.  Everything went really well.  We are in the beginning stages of building, and I must say that it has been stressful for me, especially when things don't go how we think they are supposed to.  But, every time we talk with one of our builders we come away with deep reassurance that everything is going to work out.  That's a large part of why we chose these particular builders, because we believe they are wonderful and clear communicators, which is so important in this process.  I am learning not to let things linger, but to put in a call or e-mail when it's necessary and to work it out as quickly as possible.  Today, we got to see some of the roofline.  So exciting!

When we got home I needed to get some school done, and since Drew was getting over being sick, I was able to work one on one with Knox.  Oh, how I pictured this being such a special time for the two of us.  That's where I began to set myself up for frustration.  Anytime I have an expectation set up in my mind, and it doesn't happen I begin to get upset. 

For starters, Ellis and Davis had already been playing that morning.  Now, looking back I realize that it would have been helpful to spend some time with them first before trying to jump into school with Knox.  Knox and I sat down to do some work, which was hard for him, since he was the only one having to do anything today, so already he was struggling with his attitude a little.  Add that to fairly consistent disruptions with the littles, and my nerves were already on edge.  We completed Language Arts and moved onto Math.  I thought I was leaving him with something he knew how to do since it was a review, so I went to spend time with the littles.  He came to me within a few minutes, proudly showing me his book and I saw that every single problem was wrong.  I was biting in my words and did not use loving words to point out his mistakes.  I could see that I had begun to crush his spirit.  I went back to the table with him to begin to work out these problems, and was frustrated because I felt he wasn't putting forth any effort.  At that point we should have taken a break and had a breather.  It's so easy to look back on what I should have done.  Instead, I thought about how important it was that we completed this assignment and ended up pushing Knox to the point of tears.  Eventually, I realized that enough was enough and we put it aside until tomorrow.

Tonight at dinner Andy was asking Knox how school went and he looked at me, waiting for my response.  I told him that he should share since daddy asked him.  What he said really made me sad and also made me take a closer look at my actions and words today.  He didn't remember any of his accomplishments today, which he did have that I didn't mention, he just talked about how he messed up and how he wasn't concentrating and working hard enough.  I know words have great power, yet I continually fail as I spew out words that are unkind on those I love the deepest. 

It made me think of a Psalm I read last week and wrote down.  Psalm 19:14 says...
"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer."

I want my words to be acceptable.  I know I will fall short.  That's part of having a sin nature.  Yet, my prayer is that the more I fill with Him, the more my words will reflect His love, and the more I can love on this little guy, regardless of the situation we are in.

 

Tonight I also got a some special time with this guy.

 

 

Andy needed us to pick up some medicine at Publix, so the two of us ran out to get it.  Even though that doesn't sound exciting, any time I can get time one on one with one of the kids is special.

 

Since he hasn't been feeling well, I told him to let me know if he saw some sort of food that looked good.  We began in the bakery, but go figure, he picked out cantaloupe as his special treat.  :)

 

After Publix, I needed gas, so I let him pump for the first time.  I forget how such little things can become so meaningful to these little guys.

 

 

We had one more stop, and after we dropped off some much overdue library books we headed home.  We had to take a detour which took us by Andy's old high school, and we saw that the band was out practicing, so we pulled in to watch for a few minutes.

 

I'm not sure if everyone knows this, but I was in band from 6th-12th grade and I LOVED IT!  I was also a cheerleader, so from 10th grade on, I marched at half-time in my cheerleading uniform.  Looking back I am so grateful for such a great band teacher and cheerleading coach who allowed us to do both and didn't make us choose.  Although I cheered a few years in college (Junior College!!), looking back I have such fond memories of band and playing music.  I'm so glad I got to experience both.

 

So Drew and I sat and watched for a few minutes and just enjoyed being together.

 

 

I'm so thankful to the Lord for all that He's blessed me with and how He is continually teaching me and pruning me.  It's not always easy and many times it's painful, but on the other side it always brings me peace and joy.

 

Here's a song that remind me once again it's not about anything in this world, but it's all about Jesus.  This is also a touching tribute to Ruth Graham.

 

I am praying that I will continue to be open and willing to receive what the Lord wants to speak to me.  May the same be true for you. :)